My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
