You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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