on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
