There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
