I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
