Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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