her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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