Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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