Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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