he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
