8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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