I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
