I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
