I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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