Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
