They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
