The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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