just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
