What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Small penises have feelings too.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you made out with another girl for some wings
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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