pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
worst night to have a conscience
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
