I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
