yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
