In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
