i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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