there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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