there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
