Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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