The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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