Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
