All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
