so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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