The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
