Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
