I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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