Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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