I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
how does that bad decision feel?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
