even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
