dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
