Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
