I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
