My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
