I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
