WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
