I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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