I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
