just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
