I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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