i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
