Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
