there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
