GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
