So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
