even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
