Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
