Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
True strength comes from lack of pants
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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