she smelled like a LAN party
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
